too late to tell you you were wrong, another woe to dwell upon...

...I am an idiot and I ruin everything. I am an idiot and I ruin everything.

Not had the best of days at all. Been bored shitless at work and spent most of the day making arrangements for tomorrow night's Tubelord show at Old Blue Last. Lots of people asking for guestlist, always seems to be the same names, always.

I nearly had an argument with an agent who didn't want to pay the (frankly brilliant) cheaplist price of £2 for the show, claiming he shouldn't have to pay to see his own bands - it's not the norm, apparently. I would've argued with him, that the way I do promotion in London isn't exactly "the norm" - ie, at this level, I actually try and pay the bands - and that for example, someone who works at Sainsburys might want to get their food for free but just pays a bit less than everyone else. Which essentially, was a good analogy.

But, like the weak and feeble shit I am, I caved in. "Course you can have free guestlist. And while you're at it, please take my principles with you, they're no use to me anyway."

If there's one thing in the world I hate, it's being undermined. If there's one thing in the world I hate more than being undermined, it's being utterly powerless to stop it. I will be the first to admit that I am absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of the London music industry, but I'm trying to make a difference. I have no funding, I have no backing, all I have is an idea that bands should be treated fairly. It's not "DIY" in the sense that ALL the money should be given to bands, in fact I'd say it's quite far from the DIY ethic, in that I try and run things in an efficient, business-like manner. But I can't continue to operate in the way I do, if I lose as much money as I lost last year in putting on shows.

Sometimes it's nice being a carp in Kingston but when you swim up the river to London, you realise you're just a minnow. I'm determined to be more like a shark as each day goes by.

Incidentally, I am still rubbish at things and it's taken me about 10 days, a new personal best, to completely ruin something that was amazing. I think. I don't know. Maybe I just worry too much. I hope so, at least.

2009 started brightly but now I'm back to a recurring theme which came about in 2008: "Dear ground, please open up beneath me. Cheers."

Current listening:
Mew - Frengers
Jetplane Landing - Backlash Cop
Johnny Foreigner - Waited Up Til It Was Light