don't get any big ideas, they're not gonna happen

So the blog has been neglected for a little while. Apologies to all you avid readers out there. Hoho.

Don't really know what to say. It's been a bizarre few weeks. A bizarre summer, I guess. Last year was weird cos it was the first one without Lindsay but this year, I'm not sure, it seems weird in a different way.

I kindof feel like I've gone off the rails a bit, I don't really seem to have any structure in my life at the moment, and for the first time ever I feel like I'm at a bit of a crossroads except there's not really any decisions to make. It's a weird state of being in limbo.

As a result, I feel like I'm going a little bit insane, and I've been doing some really stupid things lately. I spat at someone on a hockey pitch at Shagfest, something completely out of character, something which is definitely not part of my regular game and it's something I'm incredibly embarrassed about. But someone did say to me "sometimes good people do bad things," which I guess is one way of looking at it.

Also since about June I had been seeing this amazing girl, I dunno, she just seemed to come along at the right time and although it took a little while, she captured my heart in all the right ways. We're into the same stuff, she has amazing tattoos as well, and beautiful eyes and a beautiful smile and ARGH. She's great. But in a bid to make things a bit... 'proper', I guess, I've basically just acted like an absolute mental and whatever, I think I've pretty much ruined it now. Like I always do. So, well done del. Well fucking done.

I think in conjunction with that, and with Linds' death and my parents being away on holiday at the moment for an extended period of time, it's really hit home that I'm not dealing with loneliness very well right now. It's not even productive loneliness, my music-writing seems to have ground to a halt at the moment and lyrics just aren't coming out like they used to, which is baffling. But yeah. I'm lonely. And I'm not really sure what to do about it. I guess this blog is the only place I can really put stuff like that because when I'm out, I just put on this happy face and I don't like people fussing over me, and I guess everyone thinks I'm fine all the time anyway.

Aside from all the doom and gloom, there's been five great things that happened this summer. Aside from the spitting incident, we won Shagfest. I haven't won anything in hockey for fucking years, and this was fucking great. Our side was really strong, and we deserved it. We were first in and last out of the bar as well, so we took every aspect of the tournament seriously.

We also recorded our EP in Scotland, and while it was a stressful and difficult process, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. On top of that, before we headed up, we played the best show ever supporting Dananananaykroyd at New Slang, I had an amazing day with great people, and in general it was fucking ace.

Last week, I bit the bullet and paid for a Reading ticket pretty much to see Radiohead. I enjoyed it a bit too much. And paid for it the next day. But I wish I had spent that set with her. It would've been a great end to the summer if I had shared it with her. Sigh.

Then lastly, I had a new tattoo done on Tuesday. It's a Sigur Ros tattoo and it has a song title as part of it, which means "within me a lunatic sings". People at the hockey club are a bit baffled by it but it seems to have gone down quite well.

I hate that I don't really have anyone to talk to about all this shit, y'know.

"So I’ll wait til I find the remote part of your heart, when no where else will let us choose a comfortable start and even if the breath between us smells of alcohol, we'll call it confusion in the best way possible."

Current listening:
Radiohead - In Rainbows
Arms And Sleepers - Black Paris 86
American Football - s/t
Future Of The Left - Curses
Idlewild - The Remote Part